Male Masturbation Synonyms
  • A big date with Rosy Palms
  • A date with Mrs. Palmer and her 5 slut daughters
  • Adjusting the antenna
  • Adjusting your set
  • Answering the Bone-A-Phone
  • Applying the hand brake
  • Arguing with Henry Longfellow
  • Arm-wrestling the purple-headed stormtrooper
  • Asking for a second opinion (your second head)
  • Assault on a friendly weapon
  • Attacking the one-eyed purple-headed warrior
  • Attending to the throb knob needs
  • Auditioning the hand puppet
  • Backstroke roulette
  • Badgering the witness
  • Baiting your hook
  • Ball slappin' fun
  • Bangin' your bacon
  • Banging one out
  • Banging the Cyclops
  • Bashing the Bishop
  • Bashing the candle
  • Bashing the pear
  • Basting the ham
  • Batting practice
  • Battling the purple-headed yogurt slinger
  • Beatin' Bobby
  • Beating Bob and the twins
  • Beating Jack
  • Beating off
  • Beating the bait
  • Beating the balloon
  • Beating the balogna
  • Beating the beagle
  • Beating the bed flute
  • Beating the Bishop
  • Beating the dummy
  • Beating the fuck out of your best friend
  • Beating the goat
  • Beating the old man
  • Beating the pud
  • Beating the shit out of your incapacitated midget
  • Beating the snake
  • Beating the snot outta Rotney
  • Beating the snotty end of my fuck stick
  • Beating the stick
  • Beating your meat
  • Beef-stroke-it-off
  • Being a virtuoso of the skin flute
  • Being rough with the sex stick
  • Being your own best friend
  • Belaboring the obvious
  • Biffing off
  • Bleeding the weed
  • Blowing your load
  • Blowing your own horn
  • Bludgeoning the beefsteak
  • Blue-ball buster
  • Blueball baseball
  • Bobbing your boloney
  • Bonging your shlong
  • Booting up the hard drive
  • Boppin' your bologna
  • Bopping Richard
  • Bopping the baloney
  • Bopping the bishop
  • Bopping the Bonzo
  • Bouncing the bunny
  • Boxing Oscar
  • Boxing Oscar in the closet
  • Boxing the bald champ
  • Boxing the clown
  • Boxing the Jesuit
  • Boxing the Jesuit and getting cockroaches
  • Boxing the one-eyed clown
  • Boxing the trouser mouse
  • Boxing with Richard
  • Breaking the fish tank
  • Buckin' it
  • Buffin' the bishop
  • Buffing my wand
  • Buffing the banana
  • Buffing the rifle
  • Buffing the wood
  • Buffing your nuts
  • Buggering your hand
  • Bunning your hot dog
  • Burning off a few calories
  • Burping the baby
  • Burping the worm
  • Busting a nut
  • Buttering your corn
  • Calling all cum
  • Calling down for more Mayo
  • Calling in the National Guard to assist you in a strategic crisis
  • Caning the vandal
  • Caping the crusader
  • Capturing the bishop
  • Carrying weight
  • Casting off
  • Changing your oil
  • Charming the cobra
  • Charming the one-eyed trouser snake
  • Charming the snake
  • Cheap date
  • Cheating on your other hand
  • Checking for testicular cancer
  • Checking the plumbing
  • Cheesing off
  • Chilling the dill
  • Choking Charlie 'till he throws up
  • Choking Kojak
  • Choking the bald guy until he pukes
  • Choking the chicken
  • Choking the hog
  • Choking the pirate
  • Choking the sheriff and waiting for the posse to come
  • Choking your chicken
  • Choking yourself into emission
  • Chopping down
  • Chucking one in the sink
  • Chucking the yogurt
  • Churning your butter
  • Civil War
  • Clamping the pipe
  • Cleaning out your rope
  • Cleaning the pipes
  • Cleaning the walls after an accident involving the Milk Man and the Cyclops
  • Cleaning your rifle
  • Clearing the snorkel
  • Climbin' the tree
  • Climbing Mount Baldy
  • Climbing Mt. Barbell (for guys with pierced dicks)
  • Climbing the corporate ladder
  • Clobbering the bad guy
  • Clobbering the Kleenex
  • Closet Frisbee
  • Clubbing Eddy
  • Clubbing the baby seal
  • Clubbing the clam
  • Clubbing the dummy
  • Coating Prince William Sound with love oil
  • Cocking the rifle
  • Collecting a specimen
  • Coming into your own
  • Coming to grips with the situation
  • Coming to grips with yourself
  • Committing mass spermicide
  • Cooking the cream of cock
  • Cooking with Wong
  • Corralling the tadpoles
  • Couch hockey for one
  • Cracking one off
  • Cracking the fat
  • Crank yanking
  • Cranking
  • Cranking for cum
  • Cranking one off
  • Cranking the love pump
  • Cranking the monkey
  • Cranking the shank
  • Crimping the wire
  • Crowning the king
  • Cuddlin' the Kielbasa
  • Cuffing the carrot
  • Cuffing the dummy
  • Cuffing the puppy
  • Custer's Last Stand
  • Dancing round the maypole
  • Dancing the two-fisted tango
  • Dancing with Johnnie One-Eye
  • Dating Miss Michigan (think geography)
  • Dating Mother Palm and her five daughters
  • Dating Rosie Palm and her five sisters
  • Debugging the hard drive
  • Decongesting the weasel
  • Devil's Handshake (Catholic School)
  • Dick whacking
  • Diddle whacking
  • Diddling
  • Digging for change
  • Digitally oscillating one's penis
  • Discharging the heat-seeking moisture missile
  • Disciplining the primate
  • Disseminating
  • Do the Dew
  • Dogger Bank
  • Doin' a loner with your boner
  • Doin' the solitary rhumba
  • Doing a hand job
  • Doing an impression of Goofy
  • Doing battle with the Purple-Helmeted Warrior of Love
  • Doing handiwork
  • Doing it your way
  • Doing the five-knuckle shuffle
  • Doing the hand jive
  • Doing the hand-cooter
  • Doing the human version of AUTOEXEC.BAT
  • Doing the janitor thing
  • Doing the knuckle shuffle on the ol' piss pump
  • Doing the plotkin
  • Doing the pork sword jiggle
  • Doing the sin of Onan
  • Doing the White Knuckler
  • Doing your own thing
  • Doodling your noodle
  • Downing at the club (for members only)
  • Downing the pitcher
  • Draining the dragon
  • Draining the lizard
  • Draining the main vein
  • Draining the monster
  • Draining the one-eyed monster
  • Draining the poisons from the building
  • Draining the vats
  • Draining the vein
  • Dripping white-hot coconuts from the veiny palm tree of lust
  • Driving the skin bus
  • Droppin' a wad of hot wax
  • Dropping a line
  • Dropping stomach pancakes
  • Dropping the kids off at the pool
  • Dry humping the ottoman
  • Duking the Bishop
  • Dundering the devil-dolphin
  • Electing the president
  • Emptying your sex pistol
  • Engaging in safe sex
  • Erupting Ol' Faithful
  • Escorting the one-eyed postal worker out of his denim cell
  • Evicting the testicular squatters
  • Falling in love with your right hand
  • Faxing Jimmy Dean
  • Faxing the Pope
  • Feeding the chooks
  • Feeding the ducks
  • Fetching milk
  • Filling Charlie's magic sock
  • Finding yourself
  • Firing the flesh musket
  • Firing the love rifle
  • Firing the presidential staff
  • Firing the Surgeon General
  • Firming your worm
  • Fishing for the two-toned trouser trout
  • Fishing for zipper trout
  • Fist fucking
  • Fisting your mister
  • Five against one
  • Five knuckle Olympics
  • Five on one
  • Five-Digit Shuffle
  • Five-finger discount
  • Five-finger solo
  • Five-knuckle chuckle
  • Five-knuckle-shuffle on the old piss pump
  • Fixing the toilet
  • Flapping Takkie (South African)
  • Flaying the Emperor
  • Flick on over the thumb
  • Flicking the bic
  • Flipping the Bishop
  • Floggin' the log
  • Flogging the Bishop
  • Flogging the dog
  • Flogging the dolphin
  • Flogging the dong
  • Flogging the frog
  • Flogging the General
  • Flogging the hog
  • Flogging the log
  • Flogging the mule
  • Flogging the salami
  • Flogging your dong
  • Flogging your dumber brother
  • Flogging your log
  • Flogging your stob
  • Fluffing the pillow
  • Flute solo
  • Fly fishing
  • Flying a kite
  • Fondling the fig
  • Fondling the fisherman
  • Fondling the fountain
  • Fooling with your tool
  • Foreplay with Fistina
  • Four-knuckle shuffle (for those who lost a finger in 'Nam)
  • Freeing the hostages
  • Freeing the Willies
  • Freeing Willy
  • Freeing your dick fish into the gene pool
  • Frigging the love muscle (British)
  • Friggit
  • Frosting the pastries
  • Fucking a pillow
  • Fucking Mrs. Fist, the five-fingered widow
  • Fun with friction
  • Galloping the antelope
  • Galloping the old lizard
  • Ganging the plank
  • Ganking
  • Getting' your oil checked
  • Gettin' jizzy with it
  • Getting a date with Slick Mittens
  • Getting a grip on things
  • Getting a load off my mind
  • Getting a milk mustache
  • Getting a stiffy
  • Getting busy
  • Getting chafed
  • Getting in touch with your manhood
  • Getting in touch with yourself
  • Getting off
  • Getting tennis elbow
  • Getting the dirty water off your chest
  • Getting the German soldier marching
  • Getting the glue stick
  • Getting to know Miss Michigan
  • Getting to know yourself
  • Getting to know yourself personally in the "biblical sense"
  • Getting your caps peeled
  • Getting your exercise
  • Getting your palm read by Mister Softee
  • Getting your palm red
  • Getting your pole varnished
  • Givin' the one-eyed field mouse with the purple turtle-neck sweater a hot-butter nuggie
  • Giving it a good once over
  • Giving it a tug
  • Giving Ms. Palm and and her five sisters a ride on the meat train
  • Giving the John Hancock
  • Giving the pink Mustang a lube job
  • Giving the pink Mustang a spit shine
  • Giving the seamen shore leave
  • Giving your employee a raise
  • Giving yourself a dishonorable discharge
  • Giving yourself a hand
  • Giving yourself a happy ending
  • Giving yourself a helping hand
  • Giving yourself a low five
  • Glazing the donut
  • Gluing the lady's eye's shut
  • Going a couple of rounds with ol' Josh
  • Going blind
  • Going for the gold
  • Going into battle with the purple-helmeted warrior
  • Going on a date with Handrea and Palmela
  • Going on a date with Rosey Palm and the five daughters
  • Going on Peewee's little adventure
  • Going steady with my bouncing Betty
  • Going the blow
  • Going to the basement
  • Grappling the gorilla
  • Greasin' up my love monkey
  • Greasing the axle
  • Greasing the flagpole
  • Greasing the monkey
  • Greasing the pipe
  • Greasing your bone
  • Gripping the pencil
  • Hacking the hog
  • Han Solo
  • Hand job
  • Hand Shandy
  • Hand Solo
  • Hand-starting the one-eyed yogurt thrower
  • Hand work
  • Hand-to-gland combat
  • Handling heavy equipment
  • Handling the hound
  • Hands-on training
  • Handy work
  • Hanging out with Peter Tork
  • Hanging the old man
  • Hard labor
  • Harping on Happy Harry Hard-on
  • Hatchin' a batch
  • Having a ball
  • Having a Barclays Bank
  • Having a bat
  • Having a chuff
  • Having a conversation with the one-eyed trouser snake
  • Having a date with Fisty Palmer
  • Having a date with Mrs. Thumb and her 4 daughters
  • Having a date with Rosie Palm and her five sisters
  • Having a ham shank
  • Having a J. Arthur (British special, after J. Arthur Rank, it's rhyming slang)
  • Having a one-night-stand with yourself
  • Having a play date with your little friend
  • Having a puppet show in your pants
  • Having a Roy (Australian)
  • Having a Sherman (British)
  • Having a staff meeting
  • Having a tommy tank
  • Having a tug
  • Having a tug-of-war with the cyclops
  • Having an arm-wrestle with your one-eyed vessel
  • Having dinner
  • Having group sex with five friends
  • Having it off
  • Having one off the wrist
  • Having sex with someone you love
  • Having the heathen handhold
  • Helping Mr. Happy
  • Hitchhiking to heaven
  • Hitchhiking under the Big Top
  • Hitching to heaven
  • Hitting the ham
  • Hitting the sack
  • Hitting the speedbump
  • Hoisting the flag
  • Holding all the cards
  • Holding my own
  • Holding the sausage hostage
  • Honing the cone
  • Honing your bone
  • Honking the bobo
  • Huffing on the hoagie
  • Hugging the hog
  • Hugging the sausage
  • Humpin' air
  • Humping your fist
  • Humping your hose
  • In the hand
  • Irking the dude
  • Ironing some wrinkles
  • J. Arthur Rank (British rhyming slang - wank)
  • Jack hammering
  • Jackin'
  • Jackin' the Beanstalk
  • Jackin' your meat
  • Jacking off
  • Jacking up the hot rod
  • Jag off
  • Jammin' your jimmy
  • Jazzing yourself
  • Jelly roll
  • Jenny Mccarthy Jaunt
  • Jerkin' the gherkin
  • Jerkin' the joystick
  • Jerkin' your beef
  • Jerking Jamby
  • Jerking off
  • Jerking the Johnson
  • Jerking the turkey
  • Jerking yanking daisy-chaining
  • Jiggling the jewelry
  • Jiggling your Johnson
  • Jimmying your Joey
  • Jizzlobbing
  • Jogging the lizard
  • Joining the Navy
  • Joshing it
  • Juice the Moose
  • Juicing the jizz monster
  • Jumping the jock
  • Just combing my hair
  • Just jerkin' it
  • Keeping the Optometrists in business
  • Kicking seamen
  • Kicking your roommate out for five to ten minutes to "call your parents"
  • Killing it
  • Killing the Beast
  • Killing the bird on punches
  • Kneading my knockwurst
  • Kneeding the bread
  • Knockin' over the weeble
  • Knocking one off
  • Knocking the top off
  • Knuckle nobbing
  • Knuckle Shuffle on the ol' piss pump
  • Knuckling the bone
  • Launching the hand shuttle
  • Launching the morning missile
  • Launching the rocket
  • Laying the smack down on yourself
  • Leakin' the main drain
  • Letting out the bulimic one-eyed monster
  • Lighting the lava lamp
  • Living it up
  • Looking for ticks
  • Loping the mule
  • Love's labors lost
  • Loving the lizard
  • Loving the muppet
  • Lubing the tube
  • Make like Hans Solo and stroke your wookie
  • Makin' moonshine
  • Making a fist sandwich
  • Making a foreskin cone
  • Making a knuckle hot dog
  • Making free hand lotion
  • Making friends with Big Ed
  • Making instant pudding
  • Making nut butter
  • Making soup for one
  • Making special sauce with frank and beans
  • Making the bald guy puke
  • Making the Cyclops cry
  • Making the cyclops do chin-ups 'til he throws up
  • Making the llama spit
  • Making the piggy squeal
  • Making the scene with the magazine
  • Making vanilla jism shakes
  • Making with the tadpoles
  • Making yogurt
  • Making yourself at home
  • Mangling the midget
  • Manhandling the manhood
  • Manhandling your man-handle
  • Manipulating the mango
  • Manning the cockpit
  • Manual labor
  • Manual override
  • Masonic secret self handshake
  • Massaging Mr. Ho-Ho
  • Massaging the mink
  • Massaging your muscle
  • Massaging your purple-headed warrior
  • Master bacon
  • Measuring for condoms
  • Medical wankorama
  • Medieval folk dancing
  • Meeting Mary Palm and her five sisters
  • Meeting Rosie Hancock
  • Meeting with Mother Thumb and her four daughters
  • Meeting with Palmala Handerson
  • Meeting your kids
  • Milking one's self
  • Milking the bull
  • Milking the cow
  • Milking the lizard
  • Milking the monkey
  • Milking the moose
  • Milking the mule
  • Milking the muscle
  • Milking the weasel
  • Milking your wood
  • Milkywaying
  • Million sperm march
  • Minding my own business
  • Moisturizing your hands with your beauty bar
  • Molesting the mole
  • Moulding hot plastic
  • Mounting a corporal and four
  • Much goo about nothing
  • My sex life!
  • Nerking your throbber
  • Oiling the baseball bat
  • Oiling the glove
  • Oiling the mighty dick hinge
  • Oiling the pogo stick
  • Onan's Olympics
  • Onanism
  • One gun salute
  • One hand clapping
  • One handed shim sham
  • One man show
  • One off the wrist
  • One stop shopping
  • One-armed skiing
  • One-handed workout
  • One-man orgy
  • One-man ring toss
  • One-man show
  • One-man tug-o-war
  • Opening up a bottle of Squirt
  • Organ solo
  • Packing your palm
  • Paddling the pickle
  • Painting the ceiling
  • Painting the pickle
  • Painting the walls
  • Painting your pants
  • Palming the calm
  • Pam Anderson Polka
  • Pasting pages
  • Pat the Robertson
  • Pattin' the puppy
  • Pedal and crank
  • Pee Wee pleaser
  • Peeing children
  • Peeling some chilis
  • Peeling the banana
  • Peeling the carrot
  • Performing a self-test
  • Performing diagnostics on your ManTool
  • Perling the oyster
  • Petting the lizard
  • Petting the puppy
  • Petting the python
  • Petting your animal
  • Petting your dog
  • Phoning the czar
  • Pipping the pumpkin
  • Playin' the bone-a-thon
  • Playin' with hardballs
  • Playin' with yourself
  • Playing a little five-on-one
  • Playing a one-stringed guitar
  • Playing Billy Squier on the skin flute
  • Playing five card draw with a handful of jacks
  • Playing five card stud
  • Playing in a one-man show
  • Playing miniature golf
  • Playing paintball with white paint
  • Playing Peek-A-Boo with Mr. Johnson
  • Playing peekaboo
  • Playing peekaboo with Darth Vader
  • Playing ping pong with your ding dong
  • Playing pocket pinball
  • Playing pocket polo with Agent Johnson
  • Playing pocket pool
  • Playing tag with the pink torpedo
  • Playing the crotch trombone
  • Playing the flesh flute
  • Playing the male organ
  • Playing the one-handed air guitar
  • Playing the one-stringed melody
  • Playing the organ
  • Playing the piss pipe
  • Playing the pisser
  • Playing the skin flute
  • Playing the solo symphony
  • Playing the stand-up organ
  • Playing tug-o-war with the cyclops
  • Playing tug-o-war with the staked vampire 'til he flames up
  • Playing Uno
  • Playing with dick
  • Playing with my little brother Peter
  • Playing with Susi Palmer and her five friends
  • Playing with the pogo stick
  • Playing with the snake
  • Playing with the spitting llama
  • Playing with Yoosef
  • Playing with your bird
  • Playing with your noodle
  • Playing with your turtle (for uncircumcised guys?)
  • Playing with yourself
  • Playing Yahtzee
  • Playing your instrument
  • Pleasing your pisser
  • Pleasure pumping
  • Plunking your twanger
  • Poaching the salmon
  • Pocket billiards
  • Pocket pinball
  • Pocket pool
  • Poking palm
  • Pole vaulting
  • Polishing Percy in your palm
  • Polishing the bayonet
  • Polishing the beak
  • Polishing the cane
  • Polishing the chrome dome
  • Polishing the family jewels
  • Polishing the fire pole
  • Polishing the helmet
  • Polishing the hot rod
  • Polishing the knob
  • Polishing the Lighthouse
  • Polishing the pink Mustang
  • Polishing the Pope
  • Polishing the purple people pleaser
  • Polishing the rocket
  • Polishing the rocking horse
  • Polishing the rod
  • Polishing the sword
  • Polishing your bayonet
  • Polishing your helmet
  • Polishing your piece
  • Popping a nut
  • Popping the blister
  • Popping the bone
  • Popping the cork
  • Popping the porpoise
  • Popping the purple pimple
  • Popping your top
  • Pounding off
  • Pounding the bald-headed moose
  • Pounding the pud
  • Pounding your flounder
  • Pounding your piss pump
  • Pounding your pud
  • Pouring off the potatoes
  • Practicing for the big game
  • Praising God
  • Preparing the carrot
  • Priming the pump
  • Pud wrestling
  • Puddin'
  • Pudwhacking
  • Pullin' a few rounds
  • Pulling off
  • Pulling pud
  • Pulling rank
  • Pulling the blue-veined custard chucker
  • Pulling the blue-veined junket pumper
  • Pulling the bologna pony
  • Pulling the carrot
  • Pulling the Colonel Sanders Heimleich Manuever
  • Pulling the cord
  • Pulling the five-knuckle shuffle
  • Pulling the goalie
  • Pulling the handbrake
  • Pulling the piss pump
  • Pulling the pole
  • Pulling the Pope
  • Pulling the pork stick
  • Pulling the root
  • Pulling the rope
  • Pulling the single serving soup dispenser
  • Pulling the weed
  • Pulling the wire
  • Pulling your goalie
  • Pulling your love muscle
  • Pulling your own leg
  • Pulling your plonker
  • Pulling your power cord
  • Pulling your prick
  • Pulling your pud
  • Pulling your taffy
  • Pulling your wire
  • Pummeling the priest
  • Pumpin' the poodle
  • Pumping cream
  • Pumping for pleasure
  • Pumping for power
  • Pumping gas at the self-service island
  • Pumping iron
  • Pumping the electric goo gun
  • Pumping the porpoise
  • Pumping the python
  • Pumping the soft soap dispenser
  • Pumping the stump
  • Punchin' the clown
  • Punchin' the midget
  • Punchin' the munchkin
  • Punching the clown
  • Punching the munchkin
  • Punching the possum
  • Punching the stepson
  • Punching yourself in the crotch
  • Punishing Percy
  • Punishing Percy with the palm
  • Punishing the Bishop
  • Punishing the Pope
  • Puttin' the tie on
  • Qualifying in the testicular time trial
  • Raising Stonehenge
  • Raising the flag pole
  • Raising the mainsail
  • Raising your sail
  • Ramming the ham
  • Rapid delivery
  • Rapid one arm pull-ups
  • Raping your hand
  • Reading poetry
  • Releasing the Olympic Doves
  • Relieving tension
  • Reverse osmosis
  • Riding the Great White Knuckler
  • Riding the lightning
  • Ringing the rag
  • Rippin' the rocket
  • Rocket piloting
  • Rockin' the rooster
  • Rolling the fleshy blunt
  • Rolling your own
  • Roman helmet rhumba
  • Romancing the bone
  • Romeo and Himself
  • Rootin' for the Yankees
  • Ropin' the long horn
  • Roping the pony
  • Roping the Pope
  • Roughing the passer
  • Roughing up the suspect
  • Rounding up the tadpoles
  • Rubbing off
  • Rubbing one out
  • Rubbing the Buddha for good luck
  • Rubbing the magic one-eyed wonder weasel
  • Rubbing the pink eraser
  • Rubbing the rod
  • Rubbing the unicorn's horn
  • Running in single-user mode
  • Running off a batch by hand
  • Running the cheeta
  • Sacrificing sperm to the god of lonely nights
  • Safest sex
  • Salting your nuts in the shell
  • Sanding the obelisk
  • Sanding wood
  • Saying a private prayer in the Church of the First Holy Monkey
  • Saying hello to Mr. Winkie
  • Scalpin' the injun
  • Schnauzer Shuffleboard
  • Scouring the tower of power
  • Scraping your carrot
  • Scraping your horn
  • Scratchin' the itch
  • Scratching the cat pole
  • Screwing your girlfriend Handgella
  • Scromping the camper
  • Seamen reporting for duty on the skin boat
  • Seasonin' your meat
  • Secret handshake
  • Seeding the carpet
  • Self abuse
  • Self catering
  • Self love
  • Self-induced penile regurgitation
  • Self-inflicted intercourse
  • Sending a boy to the Academy
  • Sending out the troops
  • Sending yourself a hand-job-o-gram
  • Sex with someone you really love
  • Shagging
  • Shakin' hands with Little Richard
  • Shakin' the snot off your frog
  • Shaking coconuts from the love tree
  • Shaking hands with Abe Lincoln
  • Shaking hands with beef
  • Shaking hands with Jack McNasty
  • Shaking hands with Johnson
  • Shaking hands with Mr. Happy
  • Shaking Hands with Mr. President
  • Shaking hands with Shorty
  • Shaking hands with the boss
  • Shaking hands with the general
  • Shaking hands with the goblin of love
  • Shaking hands with the Governor
  • Shaking hands with the midget
  • Shaking hands with the one-eyed trouser trout
  • Shaking hands with the President
  • Shaking hands with the unemployed
  • Shaking hands with your John Thomas
  • Shaking hands with your wife's best friend
  • Shaking hands with Yul Brenner
  • Shaking the bottle
  • Shaking the coconut milk of love from the leafless palm trunk
  • Shaking the dice
  • Shaking the hand of the self-employed
  • Shaking the sauce
  • Shaking the sausage
  • Shaking the snake
  • Shaking the sugar tree
  • Shaking the white-out pen
  • Shanking
  • Sharpening your pencil
  • Shavin' the carrot
  • Shellacking the shellaleigh
  • Shemping the hog
  • Shifting gears
  • Shifting to fifth gear with the pork spear
  • Shining the helmet
  • Shining the pork sword
  • Shining the shaft
  • Shining the shank
  • Shining your pole
  • Shootin' your splouge
  • Shooting Cupid's arrow
  • Shooting enemies
  • Shooting flies
  • Shooting for the moon
  • Shooting for the stars
  • Shooting putty at the moon
  • Shooting Sherman
  • Shooting skeet (pull...shoot)
  • Shooting tadpoles at the moon
  • Shooting the pump action porridge gun
  • Shooting the sherbert
  • Shooting to score
  • Shooting your wad
  • Shuckin' Bubba
  • Shucking the corn
  • Simple infanticide
  • Singing with Donny Osmond
  • Skipping rope
  • Slaking the bacon
  • Slammin' the salami
  • Slamming the ham
  • Slamming the hammer
  • Slamming the salmon
  • Slamming the spam
  • Slamming the sump-pump
  • Slap-Boxing the One-Eyed Champ
  • Slappin' the purple-headed yogurt pistol
  • Slappin' Pappy
  • Slapping high fives with Yul Brynner
  • Slapping it
  • Slapping my happy sacks
  • Slapping the big-nosed Rasta man
  • Slapping the carrot
  • Slapping the clown
  • Slapping the Cyclops
  • Slapping the donkey
  • Slapping the FleshGopher
  • Slapping the meat
  • Slapping the pud
  • Slapping the salami
  • Slapping your chub
  • Slaying the beast
  • Slaying the dragon
  • Sleeping
  • Slicking the stick
  • Slinging jelly
  • Slinging the jelly
  • Sloppy Joe's last stand
  • Sloppy sign language
  • Smackin' Isaiah
  • Smacking Bob around
  • Smacking the monkey
  • Smacking the oompa loompa
  • Smacking the salami
  • Smacking the weasel
  • Smacking the yak 'til it spits back
  • Smacking your sister
  • Smacking-off
  • Smoking the bratworst
  • Snappin' off a batch
  • Snapping one off
  • Snapping the carrot
  • Snapping the monkey
  • Snapping the radish
  • Snapping the rubber
  • Snapping the whip
  • Snapping your carrot
  • Solo flight
  • Solo marathon
  • Solo sex
  • Solo spurting
  • Soup of the day
  • Spackling the ceiling
  • Spanking Cheetah
  • Spanking Elvis
  • Spanking Frank
  • Spanking the bishop
  • Spanking the frank
  • Spanking the monkey
  • Spanking the plank
  • Spanking the salami
  • Spanking the wank
  • Spanking up a batch
  • Speaking into the microphone
  • Spear chucking
  • Spearing the Spartans
  • Spending some quality time with yourself
  • Spermin' Herman the one-eyed German
  • Spewing your load
  • Spilling my children on my belly
  • Spit-polishing the purple helmet
  • Spitting up
  • Splashing one out
  • Spluging
  • Spreading the mayo
  • Spunking
  • Spunking the Monk
  • Spurtin' Bert
  • Squashing the sea monkey
  • Squeezing the burrito
  • Squeezing the Charmin
  • Squeezing the cheese
  • Squeezing the cream from the flesh Twinkie
  • Squeezing the glue
  • Squeezing the juice
  • Squeezing the lemon
  • Squeezing the snake with the turtleneck sweater
  • Squeezing the tube of toothpaste
  • Squeezing the weasel
  • Squeezing your cheese-dog
  • Squirting off your load in the school bathroom
  • Squishing the fish
  • Staff meeting
  • Stall clapping
  • Starting the day off right
  • Stirring the batter
  • Stirring the soup
  • Stirring the yogurt
  • Stoking the fire
  • Strainin' the main vein
  • Strangling Kojak
  • Strangling the hog
  • Strangling the one-eyed trouser snake
  • Strangling the Serpent
  • Stress relief for a personal appendage
  • Stretching the limo
  • Stretching the turtle neck
  • Striking the pink match
  • Striking your match
  • Stripping the bark off your wood
  • Stroke 'til you spew
  • Strokin'
  • Strokin' the mule
  • Strokin' the sausage
  • Stroking it
  • Stroking off
  • Stroking the balony pony
  • Stroking the dog
  • Stroking the lizard
  • Stroking the mole
  • Stroking the one-eyed burping gecko
  • Stroking the salami
  • Stroking the satin-headed serpent
  • Stroking the snake
  • Stroking the squirmin' German
  • Stroking the stallion
  • Stroking the wiener
  • Stroking your goat
  • Stroking your poker
  • Stroking your pud
  • Stroking your twinkie
  • Stromming the Thurmond
  • Strummin' my six inch
  • Studying for a math test
  • Sucker-punching the blind webster
  • Swickin' it
  • Swinging the jump rope
  • Swinging the light saber
  • Swinging the purple-veined kidney stabber
  • Swinging the royal red reproduction rod
  • Tagging off
  • Takin' the bunt sign
  • Taking a five minute vacation south of the border
  • Taking a nap
  • Taking a shake break
  • Taking Captain Picard to Warp-Speed
  • Taking care of business
  • Taking control of yourself
  • Taking Herman to the circus
  • Taking little Elvis to Graceland
  • Taking matters into your own hands
  • Taking ol' one eye through the fly
  • Taking ol' one eye to the Knuckle Shuffle
  • Taking part in population control
  • Taking some time off
  • Taking the dog for a walk
  • Taking the Jocelyn Elders Midterm
  • Taking the monster for a one-armed ride
  • Taking the sperm whale for a walk
  • Taking your turn at the self-serve pump
  • Talking quietly to yourself
  • Talking turkey
  • Taming the shrew
  • Taming the wild hog
  • Tamping your tater
  • Tapping the turkey
  • Target practice
  • Target practice with the yogurt gun
  • Target practicing with white ammo
  • Taunting the one-eyed weasel
  • Teaching a one-eyed Chinaman how to dance
  • Teaching him a lesson
  • Teaching your kids to swim
  • Teasing the purple-headed custard chucker
  • Teasing the python
  • Teasing the Viking
  • Teasing the weasel
  • Teasing the weenie
  • Teeing off
  • Tenderizing the tube steak
  • Tenderizing your meat
  • Test-firing the meat missle
  • Testicular tensile strength test
  • Testing the hand cream dispenser
  • Testing the testicles
  • Testing your batteries
  • That crazy hand jive
  • The art of Unisex
  • The Colonel Sanders Heimleich Maneuver
  • The five digit disco
  • The five-knuckle shuffle on the old piss pipe
  • The five-finger hustle with Russel the one-eyed love muscle
  • The serta solo
  • The sticky page rhumba
  • Thrapping
  • Thrashing the weasel
  • Threading a needle
  • Throbbing the knob
  • Throwin' down
  • Throwing
  • Throwing a shower
  • Throwing off a batch
  • Throwing one
  • Throwing the hamster against the wall
  • Throwing up mayo
  • Throwing your hand on the bed and raping it
  • Thumping the pump
  • Thumping your pud
  • Thwackin' the sack
  • Tickle the Elmo
  • Ticklewigglejigglepickle
  • Tickling my fancy
  • Tickling the dragon's tail
  • Tickling the ivory
  • Tickling the one-eyed weasel
  • Tickling the pickle
  • Tickling the Polish salmon
  • Toilet sailing
  • Tonking
  • Torkin' the fork
  • Torqueing the turtle
  • Torturing the tentacle
  • Tossing off
  • Tossing the boss
  • Tossing the salad
  • Tossing the sauce
  • Tossing the snag
  • Tossing the spam javelin
  • Tossing the turkey
  • Tossing the white ball
  • Tossing yogurt
  • Touching the penis
  • Treating yourself right
  • Trolling for the one-eyed walleye
  • Trolling for trouser trout
  • Trouser snake CPR
  • Trouser trout dancing lesson
  • Tube sock tango
  • Tug of war with Cyclops
  • Tuggin' the timber
  • Tugging Mount Love
  • Tugging old beater
  • Tugging the rope
  • Tugging the slug
  • Tugging the tapioca tube
  • Tugging the tossle
  • Tugging the turkey
  • Tugging your tubesteak
  • Tuning my horn
  • Tuning the antenna
  • Tuning your organ
  • Turning Japanese (UK - one step beyond wanking)
  • Turning on your fire hose
  • Tussle with your muscle
  • Tussling the Muscle
  • Twanging the wire
  • Tweaking your twinkie
  • Twisting your crank
  • Twisting your tool
  • Typing with one hand
  • Uncorking the bottle
  • Underarm javelin in the meat olympics
  • Unloading
  • Unloading the gun
  • Unmasking Darth Vader
  • Unsheathing the pork sword
  • Unwrapping the pepperoni
  • Using the Force on Darth Vader
  • Using the force on your meat saber
  • Using the ol' 1 wood
  • Varnishing the cane
  • Varnishing the flagpole
  • Vibrating the viper and making him spit poison
  • Violating the hedge-hog
  • Visiting Old Faithful
  • Visiting Rosy Palm and her five daughters
  • Visiting the five-fingered widow
  • Wacking a lap
  • Wacking off
  • Wacking the one-eyed worm
  • Wacking the paddle
  • Wacking the weasel
  • Wacking the weiner
  • Wacking the willie
  • Wagging the dog
  • Wailing
  • Wakey wakey hands off snakey
  • Waking the dead
  • Waking Wee Willie Winkle
  • Walking the dog
  • Walking the plank
  • Walking the snake
  • Walking Wally the one-eyed wonder worm
  • Waltzing with Willy
  • Wank
  • Wank-o-rama
  • Wanking
  • Wanking off
  • Wanking with the one-eyed wonder weasel
  • Warming up the altar boy's dinner
  • Washing the elephant's trunk
  • Washing the meat
  • Washing the wolverine
  • Wasting your wad
  • Watching the geyser
  • Waving the Magic Wand
  • Waxing pedro
  • Waxing the beanpole
  • Waxing the car
  • Waxing the carrot
  • Waxing the dolphin
  • Waxing the flipper
  • Waxing the old goal post
  • Waxing the rocket
  • Waxing your Jackson
  • Waxing your surfboard
  • Waxing your weasel
  • Waxing your Willy
  • Whackin' the weasel
  • Whacking it
  • Whacking off
  • Whacking the axe
  • Whacking Willy
  • Whacking your tack
  • Whippin' the whopper
  • Whipping off
  • Whipping skippy
  • Whipping the balls
  • Whipping the bishop
  • Whipping the dummy
  • Whipping the one-eyed trouser snake
  • Whipping the one-eyed wonder weasel
  • Whipping the pony
  • Whipping the rat
  • Whipping the stiff
  • Whipping the walrus
  • Whipping the window washer
  • Whipping the wire
  • Whipping up a batch
  • Whipping up some sour cream
  • Whipping Willy the one-eyed wonder-worm
  • Whipping your dripper
  • White-water wristing
  • Whitewashing
  • Whittling the stick
  • Whizzin' jism
  • Whomping the walrus
  • Wiggling your worm
  • Winding my watch
  • Winding the Jack in the Box
  • Windsurfing on Mount Baldy
  • Wonking your conker
  • Wonking your donk
  • Workin' out a stiff joint
  • Working a cramp out of your muscle
  • Working off
  • Working off a batch
  • Working overtime at the meat factory
  • Working up a batch
  • Working your Willy
  • Wrapping my hand around my cock and blowing a load all over my mother
  • Wrestling the alligator
  • Wrestling the eel
  • Wrestling the gator
  • Wrestling the one-eyed monster
  • Wrestling the purple-headed warrior
  • Wrestling with Jimmy
  • Wrestling with the bald champ
  • Wrestling with the one-eyed superhero
  • Wringing out your rope
  • Wringing the weasel
  • Wringing your thing
  • Wringing your weasel
  • Wrist aerobics
  • Yahtzee
  • Yank my Doodle (It's a Dandy)
  • Yankin' it
  • Yankin' your chain
  • Yankin' your Franklin
  • Yanking off
  • Yanking the crank
  • Yanking the doodle
  • Yanking the yoyo
  • Yanking your chain
  • Yanking your crank
  • Yanking your plank
  • Yanking your Yoda
  • Yogurt slinging
  • Zipper Olympics
  • Zygote spraying